Worthy

So, today, at this very moment, I am having a full on emotional breakdown. I have decided that family causes more stress than it's worth. This brings me to another point....I don't know how to handle stress. So, what do I do? Cry and EAT. Luckily for me, there is no food in sight at the moment. You see, according to some, Chris and I haven't "come into our own" and "we have nothing to show for our life." Now that is just plain mean! Considering we have lived through pure hell for the last four years and we're still living and married, I think that's pretty darn good. I think that is something to show - that we are dedicated to each other and determined to see things through. It's these times that I miss my mom the absolute most.
i need her advice.
i need her hugs.
i need her.

Why would you say that to someone? Poor Chris. He just needed some advice on how to handle a difficult time in his life and that's what he gets.

All of the drama going on right now makes me realize how "not" ok I am with the people in my life. I'm not ok that my mom is dead. I'm not ok that my dad missed the first 19 years of my life. I'm not ok that sometimes Chris's family acts like he doesn't exist and that his feelings don't matter. I'm not ok that we can't talk to our family members and not be judged. I'm not ok that we have won the title of "failures" and that is something that we can never overcome with certain family members.

At the same time there are good things.
Chris has his dream job working at a church full time.
We are finally moving out on Friday.

It's super hard to come to the realization that the only person we have to lean on and confide in is Jesus.
It's humbling.
It's hard not having someone physically hug you and tell you that it's going to be ok.
It's just hard.

But thank you Jesus that You help us through.
Thank you for never condemning us for our shortcomings.
Thank you for loving me NO matter what.
Thank you for letting me lean on you.
It is in these times that I can appreciate God as the father.
It is these times that God loves me as only a father can.