sometimes, I feel a little tinge of regret pertaining to certain areas of my life.
especially when things get a little tough.
for instance, my life has been in complete disarray since we decided to move to Texas last year. The last 13 months truly have been some of the most trying in my life.
and so, there are moments, when i feel like making that move was a mistake.
like we never should have left georgia. and if we hadn't, then our lives would be somewhat normal and intact.
we both had great jobs and loved our life there.
but normal isn't exactly what god calls us to be.
at least for me and chris. normal is no where in the cards for us haha.
and for most of my life, i have been dreaming of normal.
i remember my mom crashing my world when she told me there was no such thing.
you see, for most of my adult life, it has involved a lot of risk taking.
risks for ourselves, risks for God, and risks that people wouldn't understand.
sadly, the negative things in life seem to outshine the positive.
i mean seriously, have you watched the news lately?
for some reason, our human eyes are trained to focus on the bad.
yes, texas served us it's fair share of heartache. we planned a life there and it didn't work out.
then we moved to north carolina, hoping for a fresh start.....and well it's not all it's cracked up to be either.
and so i find myself asking the "why" a lot. "why is this so hard when we're trying to do the right thing?"
and just the other day i got into a fight with God and told him he needed to "get it together".
that went over real well.
because i've got it all figured out and he doesn't? hmmm.
but you know what? there was a lot of good that came out of our move.
we learned a lot about ourselves. a lot about the kind of church we desire to be a part of. an awakening of callings on our lives.
we planted seeds, small as they may be, but we planted them.
i've had opportunities to share my infertility story and offer encouragement to those sharing in my struggle.
chris has had opportunities to share Jesus in the most unlikely circumstances.
and the most precious to me of all - we developed a real relationship with my brother, sis-in-law, nephew and niece.
although it has been a ridiculous ride, and i ask "why" a lot, i can never ask "what if?"
we have honestly prayed through and accepted every opportunity that God threw our way.
we can never look back years later and say "i wonder what would have happened if we took that risk" because we full well know.
moses wandered 40 years chasing after God with lots of ups and downs, and he never even saw what it was he was after. but he obeyed. faithfully.
and years down the road, i hope the same can be said about chris and i.
that we obeyed faithfully.