if i'm being real...

sweet friends, if there's one thing you know about me, it's that i'm real here. i share more than i should and probably tell you more than you care to know. but at least i'm real. you know, there are some days that i think i've got this infertility thing under control. some days where i'm proud to wear the badge because in some way i know that God wants me to use this to help others.

and then there are some days where the reality of it is just too heavy and i struggle to breathe. the finality that "mommy" may never be a word that i hear. or the days where i want to lay in the floor flailing my arms and legs and screaming how totally unfair this is.

somehow, i always come back to the promise that God's plan is good. He is good. and even if i never get what i want, He. Is. Still. Good.

i've been feeling for several years now the need to create a community for my fellow infertile sisters. it seems like the time is in the very near future and i couldn't be more excited. and scared.

have you heard of IF:Gathering? if not, look it up. i signed up to be a local leader a couple of weeks ago. one lady pulled up the map of leaders in her area and sent an email to all of us...each of us plugged into different churches and ministries. we are all meeting up this sunday just to encourage one another. i have been so excited about meeting them and building in this community with them. but then God nudged my heart to make me realize that this is the first step in my infertility community. this is the beginning of my network for me to share my heart and have them take it back to ladies they know that are struggling through the same thing i am. the beginning of this infertile community that God has so deeply placed in my heart.

sometimes my words can't adequately express how in awe i am of the little details. but all in all, as heart wrenching as this journey is and continues to be, God is still good and He's allowing me to be part of His good plan. and for that, i am honored.