sometimes i think god is teaching me things in seasons. i always know when its him, because the topic, whatever it may be, is everywhere. this season, he's reminding me of his faithfulness. it's no secret that i love music. and god speaks to me through music more than anything else. several weeks ago, i was at church, and we sang "great is thy faithfulness"...an oldie but a goody. then i went to a women's ministry service at passion city church, and we sang it there. for a good month/month and a half, this song has simply been on repeat in my heart.
"great is thy faithfulness, great is thy faithfulness, morning by morning new mercies i see. all i have needed thy hand hath provided. great is thy faithfulness, lord unto me."
those words are so so so true. i have a point...stick with me.
yesterday, i worked in one of our offices out of state, so my commute was about two hours. it was some good jesus time (mixed with loud singing of "don't stop believing" by journey, and "take it easy" by the eagles). while driving i had just prayed for god to speak to me...to let me know an answer or direction for this whole infertility journey i'm on.
i happened to pass by a specific outlet mall that my aunt used to take me back to school shopping at. those were good times. from there i started thinking about how it really did take a village to raise me. my aunt and grandmother always jumped in to help with anything and everything i needed. but as every kid does, there's a certain time in your teen years where your family is "stupid and knows nothing about you". and for that season of my life, i just so happened to be loved on by some wonderful, wonderful people. those people and my family invested in me in ways that molded who i am today and who i am continuing to grow into. (still not to my point - keep reading).
here's where it gets good. for so many years i was so discontent with what my family dynamic looked like. i had a crappy step-dad, and my real dad wasn't in the picture at the time. a lot of times i found myself saying "why god?" instead of "thank you". i felt god whispering to my spirit this morning, that he was faithful to give me a family comprised of him through the people he allowed to cross my path and invest in me. between my mom, my aunt, granny, uncles, church folks - all reminders and evidence that he was working in my life even when i couldn't see it.
and then i swear to you, i heard it clear as day - "lauren, i am faithful."
my specific prayer was that he would speak to me about my infertility, and his answer was to trust in his faithfulness. he has done so very much for me, and even if that baby never comes, He. Is. Enough.
one sweet lady used to say the same thing over and over to me, and to this day i have never forgotten it. in some of my darkest moments, she would whisper scripture "my grace is sufficient". somehow god's been preparing me that he is enough for years and years. and maybe, just maybe, i'm finally grasping hold of that.