Today is a big day in our little world. After months of planning and praying, the time has come to submit our first adoption agency application. And being as it is an application, it means we still have to get accepted. Definitely need some prayers on that front because this is an option that is much more affordable than our other alternatives.
With that, I've had a few weeks of feeling all the things. All. The. Things.
I imagine this is what it's like when the reality sets in for pregnant peeps that they're having a HUMAN.
At least for pregnant peeps, you have 9 months to get your head wrapped around/kind of prepared for it. My reality is that we've spent so much time focused on the details of getting a baby, that I now have to figure out how to raise one. I find myself looking at families so differently now. Every family I see out an about, I observe...the struggles, the frustrations, the rewards. Parenting is no joke!
I'm about to venture into uncharted territory and it scares me to death. But at the same time, I can't help but think that's what God has been preparing me for these last 11 years. Years spent leaning into Him and getting through only by trusting Him.
So in my momentary freak outs of "I haven't read any baby books" and "how do I know what to buy" and "I've got to get the carpets cleaned" and "what if my child hates me"....I lean back into the whispers that God has placed in my heart over these years.
"Lauren, I am faithful."
He is oh so faithful. He's faithful to complete what He starts. He's faithful to sustain us when we can't sustain ourselves. He's faithful to be right beside us.
My heart is on a roller coaster of excitement, anticipation, fear, hope, love. And I'm so grateful for it all. This dream we've had for so long is slowly coming into sight. And while it looks much different than we originally dreamed it, I have to believe it's so much better.